My kids & I recently watched "Yes Man" with Jim Carry, though not my favorite actor I actually was surprised I enjoyed the movie. Is learning to say yes to life compatible with what your moral barometer is, and where you want to be?
It reminded me about going out and really living your life after experiencing a great disappointments. Haven't we all found ourselves in times of trial to only find that after we are still brought down by it? Where and how do we set our own Moral identity? How do we get back into life on a level of where we want to see ourself.
It is hard to bring yourself out of your dark and gloomy mood. IT is even more important to do so... As in the movie we all need to learn to grow each day, and to remember what is important to us morally & socially. Remember Yes is a great answer (only when tempered with our morals), No is needed in everyone lives. A lesson I am still working on! It really reminded me to remember the greatest challenge in every ones life - LIVING MY MORALS!
How do you review your moral identity (or how I try to do so):
- Are you religious or want to be more active in your faith: Do you feel you need to pray more, attend religious lectures, help out or join their groups or clubs, Just act in a more religious manner. This can fall into most peoples life - whether christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Muslim... and so on. Including atheist I know a bit of a misnomer but what are your values you base your life upon? For me religion is a great mediator in balancing where I want my morals to be and how to achieve that in every area of my life.
- Who are the most important people in your life: Their may be several so think of Hierarchy, most next, next and so on. For me it is my children, family ie: Mom, Dad, sisters, brother ect... then my friends, co-workers ect... (you get the idea). For me above all is where I want to go when I die - so God/Allah is most important, even on days I forget that all I do is going to be judged in the end.
- Health: How is your personal health, both physically and mentally? If it is not at a level you would like why and how can you change this? Think about this: Are you damaging your health by what your doing? Or too are you damaging those around you by your actions/words? Are you taking care of yourself, or putting everyone else or things first? *I found I have to pace myself, decide if going out is more important than being refreshed & ready to give time to my own family? ****I found I would 99.9% of the time be their for my family than an evening of going out. (This too falls into my moral ID, and what I want from life & the next). As a Mom I also have to find a balance of taking some me time, & that is hard for us Moms. I found that my emotional & physical health are intertwined and if I stay emotionally healthy I feel better. I found that by exercises my body feels better and in turn I am happier. When I take care of my emotional health I feel better & happier.
- Are things or possessions more important to you than other things or people? For me this is a resounding NO WAY, but I had to learned this lesson. We all fall into I want vs. I need this. Many can even go so far as not seeing the difference... A good judge of this is how much storage space do you need? Is it overflowing to the point of can you find things - or when you do go digging do you find boxes of things you have not seen in years. LOL! I have been there, just cleaned out my basement and found several boxes that I have not looked at in the 2+ years we have lived at our new home. I donated 99% of it (I did keep 2 afghan's my late grandmother made - heirlooms I will pass onto my kids). Another VERY GOOD view of yourself is - How much credit do you owe on, be truthful to yourself (hard one). Do you make sure you have enough each month for your essentials (not wants), ei: Housing, Utilities, Food, Children's needs, Medications (not drugs) ect. OR do you find yourself short when you can afford a carton of cigarettes & going out - But not your debts & what you owe to others?
- How do you see yourself? This is hard to judge yourself. Think of it this way: Are you hiding things you do from others? If yes, why are you embarrassed or ashamed? If you saw or heard of someone else doing what you yourself are doing - what would you think of them? Be good to yourself & be true to yourself. I found that if I am embarrassed about what others would think of my actions, it is probably not in line with my morals.
- Appreciate yourself! Do something good for yourself each day. (I mean good not harmful) Take 5 min just to be. Post positive notes around yourself. If you have self image issues - post positive reinforcements ... it is hard at first.. just do it! We are only given this one body & life, appreciate it. Treat yourself well and follow your morals you will feel better and live better. Surround yourself with people and in an environment that helps you re-enforce your morals.
- Set LIMITS: This falls into all areas of your life, personal, professional, emotional, social and I am sure many other areas. For me I have to set limits & I am always learning where the scale is. I have learned I need to say no, still working on the guilt feeling when I do... I have to remind myself of why I have to say no. I have to set spending limits, I am seeing a budget counselor to help me with this area. I purge the junk in my life (try for 2X a year), I find after it is gone I feel great! I have left so-called friendships because of my morals conflict with where they have set theirs.
- Friends or not? This goes along with setting limits. We have all had the odd friend who is a friend vampire... sucking the life out of you. How do you judge a friend or how do you decide if they are a true friend? Do you feel good after seeing or conversing with them or do you feel drained or depressed. WHY??? Are their morals in line with yours. I have left these vampire friends and it is hard. Usually they make you feel extremely guilty for doing so and it is never their fault, but yours. (Well, No it is not your fault only in their bubble of a world). You are better than that, You deserve better, you are better. Remember to not be a friend vampire yourself...
- Environment: Where you go, spend your time, how it feels. What do you like where you are environmentally. Does it feel comfortable to you not just in the moment but longer term. Sure we can momentarily enjoy an environment we are in, still is it within our moral range.. moments pass we need to life on and accept our choices. Why not go with what we believe and how we would like to be and live.
We all have challenges, it is how we deal with them. It is always our choice so choose within your morals.